Frogs And Toads
by Wandering to her doom
Summary: Bigby finds himself having to settle something that happened between Toad and Grendel... the situation is anything but what the sheriff normally deals with.


Something I though of while watching 1000 ways to die. I don't own The wolf among is.

Bigby brought the cigarette to his lips, after taking a long inhale he soon exhaled, blowing a cloud of grey smoke into the stale air. Today was one of his very rare days off, and he intended to enjoy it to its fullest. And what better why to celebrate this with his favourite breakfast? Coffee with a cigarette.

Bigby took a small sip of his coffee. It's been awhile since he had a day off, truthfully he didn't know how to spend it... He guessed just lounging around in his apartment would have to do, maybe he could go get a drink somewhere, or go out to eat. He took another drag of his cigarette, his relaxing though process was interrupted as the phone rang. The sheriff signed and dropped his smoke into an ashtray putting it out.

"Must be the wrong number..." he grumbled taking a final swing of coffee. He got up from the comfort his chair offered. "Bigby Wolf," he answered, barely able to hold back an annoyed sigh.

"Bigby," he could easily recognized that the voice belonged to none other than Snow White.

"Snow, what's up? I though today was suppose to be my ONE day off?" he grumbled lighting up another cigarette.

An annoyed sigh echoed from the other line. "Look, Bigby, I'm sorry... but I wouldn't be calling unless I needed you."

Resting his forehead in his hand he then asked. "What do you need?"

"Well... It's hard to explain...just get down here..." Snow pleaded before hanging up.

Bigby sighed and polished off the last of his now lukewarm coffee, and then left the comfort of his dark apartment to the office where him and Snow tended to various duties, if there services weren't needed elsewhere in Fable town. Eventually he reached the office, as soon as he opened his eyes a frown spread across his face.

Sitting in one chair was Toad, as usual not in glamor, cussing his head off as he complained to Snow.

In the other not saying anything at all was Grendel. An ogre who had a habit of lingering around quiet bars such as the Trip Trap.

Shaking his head he entered the room. Snow turned her head away from the two men as she spotted him. She open her lips to speak but Toad jumped at the chance to get his voice heard.

"It's about damn time you showed up!" he yelled shaking his fist at Bigby. "Aren't you suppose to be protecting us Fables?"

"Not today, it was suppose my very RARE day off." he growled.

"Look, Toad... Bigby isn't even suppose to be here right now." Snow explained. "So, if we could work out a way to handle this situation like the mature adults we are, we can figure this out nice and fast."

"Here's one, take that bloody nitwit to the farm!" Toad snapped pointing a finger accusingly at Grendel.

Grendel glared at Toad. "And you over reacting is helping so much." he scoffed.

"Why I oughta-" Toad was cut off when Bigby cleared his throat to speak.

"Look, just tell me what the fuck he did and we can all move in with our lives." the sheriff huffed.

Toad's beady eyes glared daggers at Grendel. "Go on you little fucker, tell em' what ya did to me." he sneered.

There was a awkward pause in the air, Grendel took a deep breath and glanced downwards at the ground. "I'll licked Toad..."

Both Snow and Bigby exchanged glances of both shock and confusion. Neither of them sure how to approach this odd situation.

"Ummm... I didn't think you were into that kind if thing." Bigby said finally breaking the silence.

Grendel and Snow both shot him disapproving glares.

"It ain't like that." hissed Grendel. He scratched the back of his neck.

"Then explain to me why you though licking the side of my head was a good idea?!" demanded Toad.

"I... heard some mundies talking about how there's... a certain frog you can lick to get high..." he explained. "I figured, you know... it was worth a shot." Grendel explained.

"Did it work?"

"Bigby!" snapped Snow.

"What? I'm just checking." he replied.

"No, all I got was warts on my tongue." Gren grumbled.

"Well of course it didn't work!" Toad snarled. "I'm not a frog, I'm a fucking toad! It's in my name! T-O-A-D!"

"Jesus, Toad, frog is there any difference?" Grendel shrugged.

"OH THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE!"

Now Toad and Grendel were just arguing back and fourth,

Bigby's forehead soon met with his palm as he shook his head. "I don't believe it..." Bloody Mary appeared from the magical mirror and whispered.

"Believe it." into his ear.

The end.

:P We need more humour fanfics for Twau, hell we need more fics on here on general. Anyway after watching 1000 ways to die and playing The walking dead episode 2 season, I got to the part where it's implied Clementine licks a salt lick. And then I got a mental picture in my head of Gren licking toad to see if he can get high. (WOW THAT SOUNDS PERVERTED!) Apparently you can get high from licking some sort of frog... *Shrugs* I don't know... I don't go around licking frogs.


End file.
